I think Suella Braverman just claimed my English Breakfast isn’t English and nor is Nigel Farage.

On BBC Question #BBCQT time last night, Suella Braveman MP suggested being born in England doesn’t automatically make you English or qualify you to class yourself as English. She also refused to answer whether or not you could be “English” if you’re not white, even if you were born in England. Suella was born in Harrow but doesn’t consider herself to be English, she goes by “British Asian”, that’s fair enough and entirely her choice. Serving for many years as an English MP and UK Home Secretary also doesn’t make a difference in Suella’s opinion.

But I’d be lying if I said that I don’t find this a bit confusing. Does being born in England but not of English ancestral origins mean you can’t be English? When I heard her say it last night, it didn’t sound right to me and waking up this morning, I believe the answer lies in the good old English Breakfast.

English Breakfast was in fact “born in England” and therefore considered to be “English” hence the name. Its roots began in the 13th century among the English Breakfast Society landed gentry, who served large, prestige-laden meat spreads on country estates. Eventually adopted by the middle and working classes in the Edwardian Era and the 20th Century.

But before we call time on the argument and have a cup of Rosy Lea (spoiler alert), let’s consider the origins of this ever so English institution.

Bacon – Born in China. Salt-curing pork belly started around 1500BCE in China. The practice of curing pork spread from Asia into Europe, where Romans and later Anglo-Saxon peasants regularly ate salted pork.

Sausage – Born in Iraq. The earliest recorded evidence of sausage-making appears in ancient Sumerian texts and clay tablets, where cooks in Mesopotamia (modern day Iraq) C.3000BCE, stuffed minced meat into animal intestines. Spread to through Asia and on to Europe. The Romans brought spiced sausages like lucanica to the British Isles around 43 AD.

Eggs – Born in Asia (various) . Chickens definitely came first in this case. Native to jungles of Asia, they were brought across from mainland Europe by Iron Age peoples.

Tomatoes – Born in Central America (various). Indigenous to Central America, brought to Europe by Spanish explorers and conquistadors, imported to England and considered poisonous (part of the Nightshade family) until the 1700s.

Baked beans – Born in Central and South America. Made of haricot beans originated in Central and South America, with independent domestication in Mexico and Peru over 5,000 years ago, brought to Europe by the Spanish. Mixed with tomato sauce (see tomatoes).

Black puddings – Born in Bury, Lancashire (one to argue about later) but hold your horses, it’s a type of sausage (see “Sausage”). A blood sausage to be precise!

Hash browns – Born in America but first you need potatoes. Born in Central America, brought to Europe by Spanish and European explorers. Imported to England in the 1500s

Toast – Born in Turkey because you can’t make proper toast without wheat. Ancient DNA evidence from submerged sites like Bouldnor Cliff off the Isle of Wight shows that wheat was imported or traded into Britain around 8,000 years ago by Mesolithic hunter-gatherers. The most likely first cultivation of wheat took place in what is now, Turkey.

English Breakfast Tea – Gotcha! A good old English breakfast tea to wash it down, couldn’t be more English. But hang on a minute, no. Early 19th-century English breakfast blends relied on Chinese black teas like Congou and Keemun so, born in China.

All very interesting stuff but, the English Breakfast was in fact “born in England” and therefore surely it must be “English”!

Suella says NO!

According to Suella’s definition of “English” the English Breakfast is not English. In Suella’s world it is not English at all. It is in fact British/Asian/Chinese/Iraqi/South American/Central American/American/Turkish.

So if the English Breakfast doesn’t qualify as English to Suella, what about people living in England?

Let’s move away from the culinary world to look at the actual human residents of England and reapply the same “Suella Englishness Test” as to who does or does not qualify as English. It looks like a pretty select group. By Suella’s measure to qualify as English you had to be born in England of two English born parents. Presumably to be “proper English” that must mean the Suella Englishness Test must apply to your parents parents and so on going back through the generations. But how far back are we talking?

Let’s return to the English Breakfast to consider this conundrum. It is best demonstrated by the humble black pudding or indeed the white pudding for that matter. Born in Bury, Lancashire (not sure about the white version) so English born but descended from Roman boiled sausage that was itself, a descendent of Iraqi sausage parentage. So a massive Suella Englishness Test fail and definitely not English as far as Suella is concerned.

In this case the colour of the pudding is irrelevant as both pudding colours descended originally from the same sausage in Mesopotamia. There’s an interesting parallel between the black and white pudding and the ancestral links both puddings share (both traced back to Mesopotamia) and the human race but, I’m sure Suella is aware of that.

Looking at some prominent English folk and applying the Suella Englishness test, the results are quite interesting. Some famous names that don’t quite slip past the Suella Englishness Test include;

King Charles II The King of England (Ancestral mix includes: German, Hungarian, Scottish, French, Greek, Russian and plenty more).

Sir Winston Churchill (Ancestral mix includes: American and Dutch).

John Lennon (Ancestral mix includes: Irish and Welsh).

Princess Diana (Ancestral mix includes: Scottish, Irish, American and Spanish).

Boris Johnson (Born in America and his ancestral mix includes: Turkish, Swiss, German, French).

Nigel Farage (Ancestral mix includes: French and German). AWKWARD!!!!!

So to wrap up this culinary lineage argument, just as the English Breakfast is defined not by the geographical origins of its constituent ingredients, but by the unique culture that brought them together on one plate, English identity should not be defined by its ancestral purity or the colour of its pudding skin!

If Churchill, BoJo, and even The King of England fail the Suella Englishness Test, then perhaps the test itself is complete nonsense and should remain in Suella’s misguided mind. Trying to strip away external roots leaves us with neither a proper breakfast nor a coherent nation. Englishness is shaped by shared history, contribution, belonging and acceptance of all — and by that measure, whether applied to the people or the plate, what is forged and nurtured in England is inherently English. Long live the black pudding, the white pudding and the delicious bed fellows that share their plate and may they enjoy a long and happy life on this island.

P.S. I wonder if Suella has spoken to Nigel about her Suella Englishness Test following last nights appearance on BBC Question Time? Could be awkward when she explains he’s not English. At least according to the Suella Englishness Test.